Missing You. Lyrics: Mark Leonard/Charles Sanford/John Waite

Do I miss him? Sometimes, when he and Chris are talking so low I can't hear, and they're sitting so close their foreheads are nearly touching. When he comes in a room all excited, and I look up, smiling, wondering what the good news is and he says, first thing, "Where's Chris?" When they look at each other and don't say anything, but they both smile, like they each know what the other's thinking. The way they can comfort one another with a touch, or a look, the way he and I used to. That's when I think, yeah, maybe I miss Justin more than I realize. Sometimes.  Maybe.

They're not sleeping together - I asked Lance, and he should know. He knows everything about all of us; we don't call him Scoop for nothing. They're just really close, like twins or something, and it hurts a little that he's closer to Chris than he ever was to me.

Lately, though, something's different. Like one day on the bus a couple of weeks ago, when Joey tackled me and threw me on the couch in the lounge. We started wrestling, and the guys threw popcorn at us, but I know they're cool with it, 'cause we don't act like dogs in heat or anything. We cuddle and stuff sometimes when they're around, but we only kiss in front of them like once a week or something. I know they appreciate that.

So anyway, Joey held me down, and we kissed, and the guys threw more popcorn.  I blushed - I always do - and I glanced at Justin. He was looking at us, kind of soft and thoughtful. I think I smiled just a little, but I turned my face into Joey's shoulder before I could see if he smiled back.

During one of Chris' recent quiet periods, we were sitting in the upper tiers of a stadium - God, I don't even know where - watching the concert set-up on the stadium floor. We weren't talking about anything huge, just life and stuff, and I saw Justin and Lance standing in one of the luxury boxes a level below us. Justin was looking up in our direction, and I thought he was watching Chris at first, then I realized that he was looking at me. I nodded once, just to acknowledge him. It was kind of weird.

I've been wondering if he wants to be real friends again, like we used to be, like he and Chris are now. We're all in Lance's hotel room right now, just getting a little group time in before an afternoon of interviews begins. I'm leaning back against Joey's chest, sitting between his legs. The guys are talking and watching TV, and I'm writing here in my journal. I can see Justin at the edge of my peripheral vision, and he's looking at me. Do I miss him? Yeah, I do. And I think maybe he misses me, too.