~~~
Part Three
~~~

"So. Um. Montana, Joe?" JC decided to ask again, hoping one day he'd get an answer, and it was day four, after all, and they still had, like, at least a whole two days, if JC was reading those maps right. "Can I have a clue?"

Joey came out of the bathroom, shaving. "It's something I need to do. I made this list," Joey said slowly, the razor scraping against his throat, "of things I needed to do before I was twenty-five. And I'll be twenty-five soon."

JC smiled and tucked his legs under his body, folded. "Like, in six months. I'm gonna be twenty-five in, like, five weeks. I still don't get it."

"Okay." Joey sat down on the bed, covering in shaving cream. "Everyone thought I'd turn out to be a huge, immense failure, right? So, I wrote a list of courageous, life-worthy things to do by the time I was twenty-five. There are five things, and I've done two of them so far -- make music as my life and have a baby. So, that leaves three. And I'm doing them."

JC smirked. "Okay. So. How do I fit in?"

"You just do. Don't question," Joey said, smiling, but JC saw something lingering in his eyes that he didn't understand, but, like, this was Joey's trip, so whatever. "Just, go with it, all right? It'll make sense soon. We're almost in Montana."

"It's all about Montana, isn't it?"

Joey grinned. "Montana is the world, man."

~~~

So South Dakota was boring as shit, and JC kept making Joey stop, just extending the torture, but JC was looking haggard, and Joey was sure his ass was ten steps from death. JC squealed when they drove past a state park, and Joey doubled back, if only to let JC roam free.

JC ran around for awhile until his legs got tired and he collapsed onto the grass next to Joey, who was dozing lazily in the sun. It felt great just to lie there, in the grass, and bake, and Joey looked over at JC, who was looking back.

"Did you love him?" Joey asked suddenly. "Dylan."

JC frowned deeply. "Why do you -- why are you so concerned?"

Joey shrugged. "I don't know. Just. Jayce, he was a part of your life for months, and. You never said anything," Joey said blandly, trying not to sound too accusing. "Justin brings Brit to things, and Chris used to bring Dani. You could have, too."

JC closed his eyes. "You don't understand. It wasn't that easy."

Joey stared at the sun until it hurt then looked away, black spots in his eyes. "I wish it had been, Jayce. But I guess. I think I understand."

JC hummed. "Can we just lie here for awhile and not talk?"

Joey nodded, picking at the grass with his fingers. "Okay."

"And I did love him. That's why I couldn't."

Joey nodded. He understood that, too.

~~~

JC was really trying to be helpful about getting out of South Dakota. It was extremely boring, and there wasn't much to look at on the highways, just a lot of sun and open fields. Montana probably wouldn't be that much different, just with the added bonus of grazing cattle.

But he kept seeing things he thought looked interesting, and Joey kept humouring him, probably feeling guilty for JC's presence in the whole secret romp. To tell the truth, JC wasn't really concerned about the why, just wished he could see more, but Joey seemed so adamant about getting to Montana quickly.

"Pull over!" JC cried, squeezing Joey's shoulders, and Joey did, of course. JC was scrambling to get off the bike, and the woman at the stand seemed horribly amused as JC ran over, nothing short of blissful. "These are wonderful!"

"Handmade, sweetie," she said as he looked over the display of cowboys hats. Joey was laughing lowly behind him as JC studied the arrangement, determined to buy one. It would only get him made fun of back home, but he'd fit in completely when they got to Montana. "You boys not from around here?"

"Orlando," JC said, chewing on his bottom lip. "Oh," JC picked up a plain black one and spun it around his fist, "I like this one. I'll take it."

"Thanks, honey." Money was exchanged. "You boys take care. You've come a long way."

"With more to go. Thanks." JC waved as he walked away, putting the hat on proudly and showing off to Joey, who looked bemused while he laughed, dark eyes watching JC as he danced across the dry dirt. "How do I look?"

"Sex-ay," Joey said, grinning.

JC bit his lip and smiled, shimmying his hips. "Damn straight."

Joey smirked. "If you say so."

~~~

They finally got recognised when they stopped for dinner. Well, correctly recognised, and they ended up signing a bunch of autographs for the six other people in the restaurant, talking for a bit before the mother pulled her children away and they were left alone.

"Eat," Joey said, "or I'll pick something for you."

JC rolled his eyes and made an honest effort of looking through the menu while Joey waited for him to decide. JC looked small and hollow under the cowboy hat, his narrow arms bare with a tight wife beater clinging to his chest.

"You're staring," JC said without looking up. "Cut it out."

Joey grunted and scratched his scalp through greasy hair, sipping at his water and really wanting a beer instead. "You all right with riding another couple hours? I really want to get out of South Dakota tonight."

JC shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

Joey sighed deeply and rubbed his face. "Jayce, I'm sorry."

JC tipped the hat back a bit, his pale eyes dark. "What for? I'm having the time of my life, Joe. Like, I'm sore as shit right now, so maybe I'm not enthusiastic. But." JC smiled crookedly. "Like, I'm on a road trip. To Montana. With you. And that just blows my mind because no one's ever thought to bring me anywhere. Ever."

And that was true. Joey remembered the time he and Chris drove to Mexico for no good reason other than authentic tequila, or the month he and Lance spent in Toronto, filming a movie and being complete tourists, or the plane trip to LA he and Justin took just to wade in the Pacific Ocean for a few hours. JC just wasn't made for spur-of-the-moment trips to places he didn't know.

"We just never. We never thought it was your thing," Joey said.

JC smiled and touched Joey's hand. "You did."

"Yeah," Joey said slowly, "I guess I did."

But for selfish, selfish reasons.

JC just didn't know that yet.

~~~

JC was wide awake, which was strange because it was well past midnight, but the night was just a little bit chill against his skin, and Joey was just so intensely hot. JC was acutely aware of the world at that moment, and he couldn't stop singing, strumming inside with pure blinding emotion.

Joey was surprised that JC knew as many Simon and Garfunkel tunes as he did, and JC explained how he'd been an angry teenager and pretended to be a hippy for awhile, free in his pride and alienation. Joey laughed and blamed his own knowledge on his mother, and JC felt like he knew Joey a little bit better after that confession, felt intimately connected to him.

Sometimes Joey sang with him; sometimes he didn't. They sang together when JC started in on ‘America', the song fitting in ways JC barely fathomed, and JC watched the fields with a new sort of understanding. This was his country; South Dakota, though boring, was a part of his home. This world was the place he lived and breathed and grew.

"It's all so beautiful," JC commented, arms wrapped around Joey and hugging him with all his might. "I feel so alive."

Joey just nodded, the movement rippling down his back, and JC held onto him tighter, desperate for touch so much he hurt. With a hiccup, he started crying and couldn't stop, but when Joey tried to pull over, JC wouldn't let him.

"I'm fine. I'm. Wonderful," JC sobbed, laughing. "I'm. So in love right now."

And he was. It was all over him.

~~~

JC was extremely quiet for about an hour after he woke up, lost in some state of awe Joey couldn't penetrate, but he seemed happy, so Joey was happy. They were in a motel in Montana, just at the border, and there was still a couple hours until they reached Helena and the mountains.

And then. Everything.

Joey was nervous as fuck. He thought about phoning Chris but decided Chris would hate him for phoning so early, and Joey was all right. This was it, really, an entire life's plan about to succeed or fail. His hands were shaking.

"You all right?" JC asked quietly, hand on the small of Joey's back, and Joey nodded tersely. "Good." And JC wandered off to eat the donuts Joey found while JC was still sleeping, daintily picking at the ones he liked.

Joey couldn't imagine what it was going to feel like after it was all over, this whole Montana thing he was dragging JC on. He thought about Orlando and going back, and he couldn't remember what it felt like to not have JC behind him on a bike. He went to bed feeling an indent of JC against him and woke up with it just as deep. It was. Incredible.

"Come on," JC said impatiently when Joey finally wandered outside after his shower, lugging his knapsack and seeing JC already on the bike, bouncing and wired. "Hurry. We haven't got all day!"

"Actually. Yes, we do," Joey replied with a coy grin, and JC merely waved him over quicker, poking Joey when Joey tried to tie down his bag. "Fucker. You're more annoying than Justin. How many donuts did you eat?"

"High on life!" JC exclaimed, laughing. "Come on. I've never been to Montana."

Nobody had, really. Nobody but desperate men like Joey.

~~~

They stopped four times for JC to piss, and Joey loudly wondered why he didn't have the man genes to just drop his zipper and piss where he stood. Joey did it; Chris always did it. Even Lance did it a couple times, and Lance didn't do shit like that ever. But JC just wouldn't.

"I just. I can't," JC said, trying to explain it as he came out of washroom number three, ignoring Joey's impatient grunts. "Because, like, they don't take pictures of you guys like they take pictures of me. See, if I do, it's gonna show up in a newspaper, and my mother's going to chew me out for getting caught pissing in public."

"Fuck!" Joey wailed, pointing at JC accusingly. "That actually makes sense!"

"I always make sense," JC responded, though he was laughing. Climbing onto the bike, he shifted until he was comfortable and put him helmet on. JC really hated it, mostly because his hair no longer possessed any volume and just hung limply everywhere. It wasn't very sexy at all.

"Ready to go?" Joey asked, and JC nodded against his back, holding on tight. "I figure, another five or six hours, maybe, then we'll be there."

JC said, "okay. And what's going to happen when we're there?"

"Just stuff," Joey replied, looking back, and JC smiled. "Just. Things."

"I trust you," JC insisted, "I'm just. I just wonder sometimes is all."

"Yeah." Joey started the engine, and JC relaxed immediately, his muscles tight and aching, but the constant hum and vibration was enough to keep him burning inside, eager to keep going and answer all the great mysteries of life.

Whatever the secret was that Montana held, anyway.

~~~

The last hour ticked away slowly. JC was still awake and mumbling in Joey's ears, but Joey found it more calming than anything else and didn't quite mind the noise. His stomach was still in knots, and when they finally got to Helena, he felt strange.

"Pretty," JC said as they drove through it. "Where are we stopping?"

"They have a national forest on the other side of the city. I want to go there," Joey replied, eyes firmly on the road, "it won't be too much longer. And then. I don't know. Stuff. Things. I. It really is pretty, isn't it?"

"Yeah," JC agreed, and Joey could feel him smiling, knew he was.

The forest was just as gorgeous, all dark green in the settling night, and Joey stopped the bike and got off, taking off his helmet and looking around. So this was it, then. This was Helena, Montana, this was the place. Joey felt like he'd been here before.

"Was this number three?"

Joey looked at JC. "What?"

"On your list of five things to do before twenty-five. Was the road trip number three?"

Joey nodded, stretching his legs and feeling dangerously alive. "I got my motorcycle license for this exact purpose, yeah. Any fool can drive across the country, but doing it on a Harley? That's something I needed to do, Jayce."

"It's a nice bike," JC said. "It was a nice trip."

"Not over yet," Joey replied and shivered, rubbing his arms. "And there's more. There's. Other things."

JC crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. "Okay."

"I'd like to sit by the water, if you don't mind."

And JC didn't seem to mind at all.

~~~

JC picked at the grass while Joey sat next to him, thinking. JC was a lot afraid of what Joey was going to say, really scared shitless that Joey was dying or something equally horrible, immensely terrified that this was the end at twenty-five.

"You're not. Sick. Are you?" JC asked hesitantly, and Joey shook his head. "Okay."

And they didn't speak again for a long time until Joey whispered, "number four was," Joey looked at JC, his brown eyes almost black in the night, "is. Fuck," Joey laughed at himself, "I'm shaking. Um. Number four."

"It's all right," JC said, taking Joey's hand and holding it, "take your time." Joey nodded and exhaled sharply and smiled awkwardly. "This is really fucking hard, Jayce." Joey squeezed JC's hand. "Number four is. Me," Joey said slowly, "coming out. As. Gay. Because I'm. Gay. I'm gay."

JC blinked. "That's. Wow. I. No way. That's great, Joe." And JC said it like he meant it because he did, it was incredibly great, and it was even better that JC was hearing it because it made him feel even closer to Joey. "I'm so. Proud of you right now, Joey."

Joey laughed airily and shrugged like it hardly mattered when JC could tell it meant everything. "Yeah, like. Um. Yeah. Might have done the flirt thing a bit too well, huh? But. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. I can sleep with anything, but I want men. Totally. You know?"

"Yeah," JC said, "I know. I know. I think I am, too. You know?"

Joey laughed and dipped his head. "Yeah."

JC smiled and squeezed Joey's fingers, felt them warming up in his hand and felt immensely happy to be sitting in Montana, hearing this from Joey, being there with Joey, sharing this moment. In Montana. "Does anyone else know?"

"Chris," Joey replied, "but he found the list, like, five years ago, so I never actually told him anything. He" -- Joey paused thoughtfully -- "deduced. I'm gonna tell Lance and Justin the minute we get back. I just. Wanted to tell you now."

"Thank you," JC said, and meant it.

~~~

They sat side by side for another extended period of time without talking, and Joey felt considerably better though he was still tense and tight with anticipation. JC was smiling next to him, completely at ease with the world, and Joey couldn't help but want that, too.

"Wanna know what number five is?" Joey asked suddenly, memorising the outline of that angular face, not bothering to look away when JC lolled his head to the left, smiling at him lazily while he nodded, eyes serious.

"Okay. Number five," Joey began slowly, too damn close to chickening out. "Is the promise that I made to myself that by my twenty-fifth year," blood was racing through his ears, and he felt dizzy as things went out of focus, "I would tell one of my best friends," Joey's heart was thumping inside his chest, "how completely in love with him I am."

JC blinked and opened his mouth but didn't say anything, just lost the smile and replaced it with a quiet look that made Joey tighten inside. "Do I know this friend?" JC asked finally, and Joey nodded slowly, his head buzzing loudly. "Did he go with you on a trip across the country without ever really asking why?"

"He's a good person; he trusted I had my reasons," Joey replied, the weight of his world resting on one unbent arm as his fingers dug into the cold ground, grabbing at wilting strength. "I love him more than anything else. I have for a very long time. I just. I didn't know how to tell him." Joey bit his lip and accidentally drew blood. "Tell you."

JC looked away. "I wish you had, Joey."

"I know." Joey stared at the sky for a few brief, fleeting seconds. The star were beautiful this far north, different, somehow, than they were in Florida. "I wasn't going to tell you. There didn't used to be a number five. But. Then things happened, and I. I hated Dylan a lot. I'm sorry."

JC put his hand to his face. "Jesus, Joe. I could have -- that fucking asshole ripped out my heart," JC confessed, his words catching on a hiccup, "I. I feel so ugly. And so." JC took a ragged breath and Joey wanted to touch him but didn't. "Disgusting inside after him."

"I'm so sorry," Joey repeated, his chest tight and sore.

JC stood up. "I need. I need to think about this, all right? Just a couple minutes," JC murmured, crying hard and masking it. Or trying to because Joey could always tell anyway. "Just. A bit. I'll be back. I just need. To think."

Joey nodded and let him go.

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